Just beacuase

[Milk]

One Internet to rule them all,
One Internet to find them,
One Internet to bring them all
and in the darkness bind them.
In the land of Internet, where the Internet, Internet.

In a world where the internet rules, steps must be taken to enforce user friendly material on the internet.
The government of Australia has realised the internet needs censorship and regulation. No longer will man be free to lurk and create chaos.

But unfortunately, this was much more difficult than they expected.
They had blocked every site that was labelled as 'Unhelpful' and had many shut down. But this was not enough to stop the increasing surge of trolls and 13 year old girls writing fanfics.

So the good people of the Australian government hired an elite force, who's job was to protect the internet from evil, eliminate all who oppose the regime and serve their country.

They are knows are: The Ultra-violent Porn of the Third Reich.

You've just been hired, and your first shift is next Thursday.
Good luck.

------------------------

Character dicks
Username:
Name:
Age:
Gender:
Super power:
Super weakness:
Bio/background info:
Appearance:
Other:


Username: Milk
Name: Marvin Soup-chopper
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Super power: Obesity
Super weakness: Pillows
Bio/background info: At a young age all Marvin ever wanted was to fly in an aeroplane. And then one day his family decided to go on a holiday to Canada. Finally Marvin got to go on an aeroplane, and it sucked, his hopes and dreams were crushed. From that day onward he swore revenge, but he never did anything. Because fat people are lazy.
Appearance:
Other: He enjoys a good fuck. Well he would if he'd ever had one, he hopes.

[Biomanic]

Username: Biomanic
Name: Brian "Tits" O'Reily
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Super power: Sexist jokes
Super weakness: Actualy IRL breasts
Bio/background info: In his childhood, Brian was often made fun of because of his tits. He didn't really mind it from the boys, but when it came from the girls, the one's who he wanted to fuck, it hurt. So after a while, in attempt to combat the jokes, he began to fight back with all matter of sexist and pollitically incorrect jokes. It didn't really work, but some'f them were funny.
Appearance:
Other: He hates everyone.

Username: Biomanic
Name: The Government
Age: ?
Gender: More male than male.
Super power: The ability to justify anything
Super weakness: Communism
Bio/background info: The Government had this to say about himself. "Well, what do people think when they see the government. Oh, look. It's the Government, he's a cool guy, he rides a scooter and listen to the stereo phonics..." That's about it really. He's a cool guy. He always considered himself the kinda guy who was accepting of other cultures and ideas. But recently, he started dispising the internet and all it's trollflaming. So, it set out to do whatever it could, to clean up the internet and it's profanity.
Appearance:
Other: The Government like Shane Dawson videos.

[Silverlining]

Username: Silverlining
Name: John Fiddlesworth Touchstone McGannis
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Super power: Looking over the top of his glasses.
Super weakness: David Thorn.
Bio/background info: Growing up, he was fat, lazy, and couldn't decide if he liked women or not.
Teased all throughout school and high-school, he decided that things would change. He began to do things beside sit in front of his computer, and began to take a few, hesitant steps. Being able to leave his wheel-chair, for one thing. He did stuff, and shit ended up happening.
After becoming the richest man in Australia (which took him 3 days and lasted approximately six hours and seven minutes), his dot-com company folded, and he went broke. Being homeless caused him to shed weight, and eventually, he returned to his mother's basement. Putting on a stolen suit, he made it to the nearest employment office, then got stuck with this job.

Well, fuck.
Appearance
Other: His voice is, to put it lightly, extremely high-pitched. His balls were removed by a passing eagle as he fell from a window, after the class nerd pushed him out.

[Milk]

Username: Milk
Name: Luke
Age: 17
Gender:
Super power: Being a hipster, and indie music.
Super weakness: Logic
Bio/background info: When Luke found out the internet was being controlled, he created a rebel alliance. To fight the government, to fight suppression, and because he's a prick.
Appearance:
Other: Luke fights for the freedom of the internet.

[Biomanic]

The Government was sorting the papers on his desk when Brian walked in.
"Oh bloody, it's that time already is it?" Asked the Government.
"Yes sir, it's 2 O'clock"
"Alright then, take a seat... er.."
"It's Brian, sir."
"Very good... Now, Brad, what makes you think you're worthy to work for the Government?"
"It's Brian sir, but... Well I've just finished my university studies in I.T, top of my class."
"How big was the class?"
"110, Sir."
"Well, shit. You've got the job."
"Just like that, hah. That's great!"
"Yes, well. We need more men like you."
"Like me, sir?"
"Yes. Like you."
Brian simply looked puzzled at the Government, as he went back to his papers.
"Well, fuck off. You'll be called tomorrow about your schedule."
"Yes, sir."

Brian waddled as quickly as he could out of the room, closing the door behind him. As he walked down the hall from the Governments office, he was thrilled. So thrilled infact he did his happy dance. Which really didn't entail anything more than a slight jiggle, followed by exessive amounts of panting. Brian wasn't quite sure what his job would involve, he only knew that it would pay well. Which is what he needed. He hadn't made his last rent check. He'd spent all the money on a brand new PC, with tricked out cooling systems and the latest processors and videocards.



He arrived home around 4:00pm, and sat down on his couch with a bucket of KFC and a 2 litre bottle of Fanta. He watched pirated copies of Buffy the Vampire slayer for 4 hours before leaving the greasy couch for his computer desk. He logged straight into World of Warcraft. He hadn't played in a few weeks, as the connection hadn't quite been what it used to after Cataclysm was released. But, he hoped by the time he logged in, the servers would be back on track. And they were, and he played merrily for many hours.


UNTIL: He was about to begin a clan raid, when out of no where came a heavily armoured nightelf rogue. He was caped at level 85, with the best gear and skill loadout. He killed Brian and his clan, right there and then. Brian was stunned. But, it got worse. To ad insult in injury. The rogue began to teabag and taunt the fallen clan. These were his exact words:

"Yo, fukrs! u just got pwned! ur al so *** hahaha, die b****hes!"

Brian was disgusted. He made a few statements implying the bastard was nothing more than a pregnant black woman with an asian child, but it was to no avail. Brian logged off, and went to bed. Angry.

[Milk]

"Today everything changes... For to long has it been like this. I know this sounds crazy, but now is the time for change! Everything in your life has lead up to this moment. Every part of you wants this. Yesterday's enemy is now your friend, you will use everything you have to achieve this. This is why you are here. This is why we all are here. NOW RUN ON THE FUCKING TREADMILL FATTY! " Shouted one of the gym trainers.

This is why Marvin hated the gym, he hated exercise. He was fine with his body just the way it was. But that wasn't the case with Marvin's mother. When Marvin turned 22 she decided he needed to change his health, so she made him go to the gym every Thursday in the morning, or she would kick him out of the house.
Marvin wasn't going to argue, he was terrified of her. She was huge one of those huge fat black mommas.
Marvin never knew his Father. All he knows is that his mother refers to him as "That white cunt."

Marvin mobile phone started to vibrate. He removed it from his arse and answered the phone.

"Hello?"
"YOU AT DA FUCKIN' GYM?" Screamed his mother.
"Yes mother. I'm just finishing now."
"GOOD. NOW MAH BOY PICK UP SUM O DEM KFC'S FOR DINNA!"
"Yes mu-"
She hung up the phone.

Marvin was pissed now. Just as he was about to leave to go to KFC he was called again.

"Hello?"
"Mr. Soup Chopper?" Said an unfamiliar voice.
"Yeah, that's me. What do you want?" Marvin replied.
"You were due to the first UVPTR meeting 5 minutes ago. We at the Government would like to remind you that it is of good form to not be late on your first day. Do come soon."
They hung up.

"Shit."
Marvin ran to his car, it was an old red Holden and often had trouble starting. He got in and now the car was considerably closer to the ground. He fumbled around with the keys with his sweaty hand but finally got the car going. Marvin pulled out from the Gym and started driving towards the place the Government had earlier told him to go to.
"Shit." Marvin swore as he realised at the speed he was going it would take him half an hour to get there. Marvin then realised that he wasn't moving at all. There was a huge line up of cars, and a crash at the front.

"FUCKING WHORE NIGGER DICKS!"
Marvin knew he had no other choice, after all this was for the government. As fast as he could he jumped out of his car and locked the doors, leaving it in the middle of the blocked road. He pulled back a roll of arm fat to see his watch, he was now 15 minutes late.

Marvin ran. Ran like he actually wanted to lose weight. Marvin ran like nothing else matted. As if he was on fire and being chased by an army of homosexual orcs.
As he ran he removed items of clothing that were slowing him down,
soon he was running down the road of still cars completely naked, feeling a breeze in places a breeze should never be felt. Children were vomiting, creepy old men took pictures, women screamed and men fainted.
Marvin didn't care, he just kept running, jiggling everywhere. He was so close now, he could see the building. Marvin ran faster towards him goal, destroying all police officers in the way. Finally he reached his goal, went in the building and over to the elevator and he pressed the button for the super top secret meeting room.

Marvin waited impatiently for the lift to arrive. When it did the doors slowly opened to reveal the hottest girl Marvin had ever seen. He got an erection. Luckily the girl could not see it. because his penis was so small and the rolls of fat were covering it. He stepped into the lift.

"Hi." Marvin said, completely forgetting that he was naked and dripping with sweat.
"Umm.. Hi." She replied.
"My name's Marvin, I'm new working here today!" Marvin said, normally he would not have this kind of confidence but after that run and the thrill of victory, he felt he could achieve anything.
The hot girl ignored him.
"Umm, well today is my first day, and umm.. Well I was thinking, maybe you could show me around?"
"Oh umm. I.. I'll think about it, uhh I've very busy sorry. This is my stop!" The hot girl pressed the Stop button and practically ran off.
"WAIT! I didn't get your name!" Shouted Marvin
"It's Paulette!" She shouted back.

The lift door closed. He was nearly at him stop.
"Paulette, is that even a real name? Oh god, what was I thinking coming on to her like that. I'm such an idiot, no wonder she ran away."

The lift doors open, and inside was the leaders of the Government and all the other members of UVPTR sitting at a table, they all stared at Marvin. It was at this moment he realised the naked state he was in.

"Uhh. Hello Marvin, I am the government, I'd nice of you to finally turn up... I think.." Said the Government, at the head of the table.
"Sorry I'm late." Said Marvin. He quickly took a seat.

"All right then. Let us begin." Said the Government.

He then went on to talk about government shit. This post is long enough, make it up in your own head and fap to it.

"And.." The Government continued. "That is why this job must be done. You won't be getting you mission directly from me, they will be passed down to your supervisor, and she will over see everything you do."
The Government pressed a button on his desk.
"Paulette, please come in now."

The hot girl walked into the room, everyone had instant boners.

"This is Paulette, and she'll be taking things from here. I hope you enjoy your first assignment!" The Government said as he left the room.
Paulette took his seat.

----------------------------------------

Username: Milk
Name: Paulette
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Super power: Being hot.
Super weakness: Unknown
Bio/background info: She hawt
Appearance:
Other: She don't take crap from no one.


Username: Milk
Name: Mrs. Soup-Chopper
Age: 69
Gender: Female
Super power: Being a black woman
Super weakness: KFC
Bio/background info: She's Marvin's mum
Appearance:
Other: Oh good lord.

[Biomanic]

Brian sat down on the couch in his room, which incidentally was the basement of his parents house. His father passed away when Brian was only 12, but he remembers it clearly. He never really liked his dad, he always wanted Brian to do sports, which he just wasn't good at. And whenever Brian told his father of his achievements, like when he'd finished Super Mario Bro's, without using warps, he just shrugged it off and didn't care.

But, that's not really important. Brians parents were exceptionally young when they had him, in fact, they were only 11, so growing up with Brian made their lives hard, and they had to stuggle a lot to survive. But, when Brian finished school and he started to get some good jobs, mainly in I.T, the money started coming in, and now both he and his mum work to pay off their ball crippling mortage.

"Brian, are you down there?" Shouted a voice from upstairs.
"Yes, mum." Said Brian, picking up the Playboy magazine that was laying next to him.
"What would you like for dinner?"
"Erm... Do we have any cheese covered steak left?"
"No, you finished that off a couple of days ago"
"Oh yeah... Erm. How about some bacons wraps?"
"Sure thing sweety."
"Thanks mum, love ya!"
"I love you too, sweety."


"You see, Brian and his mum got along very well. They always had. But when Brian began working, and helping to pay off the mortage, they became the closest of friends. Which was weird for Brian, as he really didn't like women. He doesn't really see his mother as a lady, though. More as something that's there to make him food, which really is all a lady is I guess.

amirite


Brian's mum is the only friend he has, he didn't get out much and he tended to come off as rude and obsene to people, which is never a good way to make your first impression. So, instead of going out and meeting people, Brian would spend his nights playing videogames and watching TV with his mother.


Username:
Name: Biomanic
Age: Nicole O'Reily
Gender: Female
Super power: Hair dressing powers
Super weakness: Bad Posture
Bio/background info: Had her first and only child at the age of 11.
Appearance:
Other: She loves her son Brian, and is very over protective.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX



The next day, Brian woke early. He swiveled out of bed and fell into a pair of pants. He tugged a shirt on, and made his way upstairs where his mum was making breakfast.
"It's all ready, sweety." She said, putting some bacon onto a plate.
"Sorry mum, I need to run off to work"

There was some chuckling at the notion of running, but Brian did have to go. He grabbed some bacon for the road and went out to his car.

For all he knew, he could get his first assignment any day now.

[Shwoozar]

Username:Shwoozar
Name: Stephen Henry Garnett
Age: 36
Gender:Male
Super power: Ability to counter psychologists
Super weakness: He has to obey his mother.
Bio/background info:After a troubled younger childhood and his teen years trying to escape juvie, Stephen was released upon the world. His first move was to hide from his over-protective mother by using the alias of 'Frank King'. When he was 22 years old he found a psychologist, and after a few sessions had convinced the man that he had three arms, this sparked his career in fraud, fortune telling and cults. It was in cults that he succeeded most, making more money than he had ever though existed and gaining more friends than he had ever known. Stephen's success was eventually his downfall, as one of his larger cults turned against him and attacked him, and once he was out of it, they ran off and left him for dead. Over a year later he awoke in his bedroom, connected to a cheap life-support system. It soon became apparent to his mother that the brain damage he had suffered had not harmed him, but had distorted his memories in such a way that he had become overly dependent on her, which seeing as she was overprotective, suited her just fine. After a year of living in his mother's house, doing an IT for dummies course over the internet, his mother suggested that he take the strange job offer in the paper and so, because he was a good little boy, he applied for with a resume he had copied of the internet.
Appearance:

Other: His mother is proud that her son is a government agent.

[Shwoozar]

Stephen got up early for the first day of his first legal job, he brushed his teeth, then he had a shower, skipped breakfast because he had just brushed his teeth, got dressed and hurried out the door.


Stephen arrived at the big revolving doors and stopped for a breather, then he entered his new workplace and quietly approached the reception desk, and after introducing himself, followed the directions given by the receptionist to the discrete elavator in the corner. He had made it to what had been described to him as the ' super top secret meeting room'.

-----------20 minutes later---------

Stephen exited from the door labled 'boss' whilst sweating heavily, then he trudged slowly up the hallway and pushed his way through the door labled 'Surgery' into a white hospital-like room where he met a little man whose nametag read 'Phillip'.
Phillip then spoke; 'Ah, hello mr Stefen -' Stephen' cut in Stephen
The little man frowned.
'Please change into this robe' commanded Phillip whilst proffering the 'robe'.

When Stephen was changed, Phillip guided him to a bench in the middle of the room, and indicated that he get onto it.
'Lie down' he said firmly
'On your stomach!' he again commanded, starting to get angry
Stephen lay on his stomach, but immidiately regreted it as both his legs where immediately clamped down, whilst he felt his hands being streched out as Phillip streched him out.
'Hey! Stop that!' yelped Stephen jerking his arms back, but only to find that they where already clamped down as well.
Stephen started to panic, then he felt a shap pain in his thigh.
'Ouch!' his voice rose an octave
'this will help you calm down' said Phillip in a manner that made Stephen scared.
Stephen suddenly needed to go to the toilet. Now.
'Phillip..' he started, but his voice was funny and he stopped.
Stephen felt his muscles relax against his will, and his bladder empty.
'aaah' sighed Stephen as he fell unconsious.

[Silverlining]

John Fiddlesworth Touchstone McGannis woke up, and slithered out of bed, on to the floor. Moving completely silently, he put on his government-issue drab, boring suit, and stood up. He very carefully made his way out of the basement, treading silently past his mother, who was still asleep on the couch, pizza and rotting food lying in a festering pool around her. He sneaked his way over to the door, and slid the key in to the lock. It broke.
"Oh fuck..." he sighed. The high-pitched vibrations from his voice ran across the room, shattering any and all glass ornaments in sight. The fire alarm went off, then exploded, shattering against the ground, and bursting in to flames. The gas from the festering pools of food that surrounded his mother combusted rather suddenly, sending the house in to flames. His mother burst from her couch, and tried to run, but it was too late. The cellulite in her body had ignited from within, and burnt out, leaving her a withered, dry husk of the mighty blob that she once was.

An hour later, after the fire had been put out, and his mother had been taken to hospital, John set out for work. Compared to other mornings, this one has gone pretty fucking well. He thought to himself. He got on his Segway, and set off for work. It was time to work for the Government, and he didn't even know what the fuck he was meant to be doing yet.

[Biomanic]

Brian pushed open the door of the meeting room, where the rather attractive receptionist had instructed him to go and took a seat in the position labeled with his name. No one else was in the room, only the smell of week old coffee and fags (That's cigarettes people). Brian had no idea what to expect from his new job. They never actually explained to him what he'd be doing, only that it'd be in I.T, and that it was secret.

Brian was alone for a few minutes. He decided he should take advantage of his solitude and release some of the tension that had built up inside of him... and yes, he farted. A long and painful sounding fart that made his titties ripple playfully. His face tensed up and his fists were clenched. After a few moments of excruciating pain, the sound stopped and Brian returned to his prior position. The smell was fantastic, Brian was instantly brought back to the meal he had the night before. The memories all flooded back and for a few seconds, Brian was in complete bliss. But it was interupted when the doors to the meeting room burst open, and the Government marched in.

"God, it smells like shit in here" It exclaimed, blocking it's nose and almost doubling over.
"Yeah, it was like that when I got in here" Said Brian, shrugging and looking down at the desk.
"Well, I think we may need to move rooms" Said the Government, turning to leave. Brian stood up and followed the Government out of the room, and down the hall. The Government told the receptionist to lead the other workers to the new room, as the two sat down at an almost identical meeting table.

The Govenment had a lot of papers with it, and after he'd gotten comfortable, he began to organise them into 9 seperate piles.

"What're the for?" Asked Brian.
"You'll find out soon enough, Tits" Said The Government.
"Don't call me tha-"
"Holy crap, it's freezing in here" Said the Government, rubbing it's shoulders. "Lets move back"

So the two moved back to the previous room, that had mostly been cleared out of the smell.

"Okay Tits, this pile is for you. It's a list of the assignments you'll have to complete over the next 5 months, and who'll be assigned to them with you" Said the Government, pointing to one of the 9 piles.
"Can I see them?"
"No"
"Alright"

"When the other 8 arrive, we'll begin"

And so the two sat in the room, that smelled and waited for the others to arrive.

[Shwoozar]

Stephen came to with a Horrid ache in his rectum, He couldnt figure out what he had done to get the pain. He was lying on something hard and metal, what was it? Stephen opened an eye. Phillip was standing watching him in a eerie manner.
Stephen tried to sit up, but only managed to fall off the bench, and onto the floor right at Phillip's feet.
'mmrblerr' He complained
Philip raised an eyebrow at him.
'vut vuh $@%# vappened?'
'Try and relax till you regain muscle control' droned Phillip as though he had been through this many times before
'You are experiencing the after effects of the sedative and anethetic drugs you where given, The pain in your rectum will go away in the next week or so. You have been fitted with a Category 6a high speed ethernet port, it connects to your spine and through that to your brain. The port is located inside you anus, as to hide it from prying eyes, it is waterproof to 100m, and it is a standard addition to all team members to give them a higher level of connection with the internet than ever seen before.'
Stephen gazed up at phillip.
'like in the matrix but through my Backside? I can talk!'
'No. and it seems that you are in control of your body again, so I am now bound by duty to inform you that you are late for your meeting.'
Stephen slowly stood up
'Good.'
Stephen wriggled his fingers. He loved wriggling his fingers, it made him so.. Happy.
'Please go' muttered Phillip

Stephen found the door labled 'Meeting room 7', knocked thrice and entered.

[Milk]

Soon everyone was in the room except Marvin, The Government talked for awhile, and my earlier post happened.

Now it was just the eight new recruited left in the room and Paulette.

"One of you have already gone though the procedure to instant access to a side of the internet you've never seen before. Very soon you all shall too. But for now, your first assignments. " Said Paulette as she handed out the eight documents to each member of the team.

Marvin raised his hand. "Uhh, question. Do you have any clothes around here? I lost mine of the way here and, umm wouldyouliketogooutwithme?" He said quickly.

"Sorry, what was that last part?" Paulette asked.

"Nothing."

"Damn right it was nothing."

Paulette left the room leaving the group to look at their assignments. Marvin opened his. It seemed they had all been split into group of 2's. Marvin was teamed up with someone called 'Tits' this made Marvin excited, but then he realised that every member of the group were male.

"Fuck."

He looked at the document and saw the title.

Operation Youtube

[Silverlining]

As he listened to the goings-on, John "Johnny Zilch-Balls" Fiddlesworth
Gregory Smith Daniels Perdomo Touchstone McGannis sat, staring at Paulette. He desperately resisted talking, as she handed him his assignment. Silently cursing the eagle that had left him hopelessly maimed, he stared helplessly at the plain envelope that sat in his hands. Slowly, his hand moving like a a shit sliding on a flat piece of paper, he opened his envelope...

If only he had known what he was in for... If only he had known what his future would entail... He slid the fateful sheaf of paper from it's manilla sheath, and simply stared at the top of the document.

Operation Collab

[Biomanic]

The assignment seemed easy enough. Clean up some'f the filth on youtube. He didn't know whether or not this meant simply fighting against flame posts, or trying to get rid of annoying chain comments, he was hoping his partner "Marvin" would know.

After Paulette had left, Brian got up and walked for the exit.
"Where's tits?" Came a voice from behind, but Brian had gotten quite sick of that name, so he decided to keep walking.

When he arrived in the main hall of the Government building, he saw his mother waiting near the receptionist.
"Mum, what're you doing here?"
"It's the end of the day, honney, I'm here to pick you up"
"Oh, okay"
So the two left and made their way home.
"I was talking to another mum there today" Said Miss O'Reily.
"Who?"
"Mrs Soup-Chomper" Brian took a quick glance at his work assignment, and realised it was the mother of the man he was organized to work with.
"Oh, that's interesting" he replied, barely interested.
"I invited his mother and him around for a play date" She said, turning into their street.
"You what..."
"They'll be over Saturday morning, and you'll behave young man. You need some more friends, and I mean actual friends."
"I hate you, mum"